Vows

After my last post about marriage and the mention of my vows, I decided to post them.

Here are my vows to my beloved, my Nathan.

Nathan, you are my one true love, my hero. You have brought so much joy into my life, and always know how to make me smile my biggest smile!
My love for you is the strongest and purest of loves, and growing with each day.
On this day, I wholly commit myelf to you, Nathan. I give myself to you as a helper, a lover, and a best friend.
I promise to be faithful to you. I promise to adorn myself with a gentle and patient spirit.
I will eagerly serve you continuously and in all circumstances.
I promise to love you forever, hold you always, and stand by you for all time, through the good and the bad.
As we become one, I vow to respect you and love you with each and every day God blesses us with. I look forward to the ministry God has prepared us to do together.
I pray that God will bless this union as we continue to work within the body of Christ.
I vow to keep God at the center of our relationship. I know we will have hard times, and I know there will be tears (on my part at least!), but I have no doubt that with the three of us working as a team we will not only preserve a lasting marriage, but have fun along the way.
I admire yoru strength, your leadership and your love for the Lord, and promise to encourage you and challenge you in each of these areas.
I can't wait to raise a God-fearing family with you, and I promise to be the best mother I can be to our children.
I will submit to you as to the Lord and put your needs before my own.
As we humble ourselves before the Lord and each other, I promise to use my hands to serve you, my arms to comfort you, my ears to listen to you, and my words to encourage you.
My beloved Nathan, I promise my love and respect for you will never fade, and I will continue to cherish and adore you for the rest of our lives.

do it yourself

So Nathan and I are trying to save money where we can. As Christmas approaches we are trying to find creative ways to give thoughtful gifts to those we love while saving money at this same time. I decided to google "do it yourself christmas gifts" to get some ideas. You know how often in a search bar as you type it gives you options of what you might possibly be looking for? Well as I was typing "do it yourself" options came up such as "do it yourself network," "do it yourself wedding," "do it yourself halloween costumes." And then the one that SHOCKED me. "Do it yourself divorce." ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

Out of curiosity, I clicked on this option to see if it was really for real. Sure enough, 797,000 results appeared before my widened eyes.
-3stepdivorce.com: "$299. No Lawyer. 100% Reliable."
-divorcenet.com: "A Do it Yourself Divorce is completed without using a lawyer."
-OurDivorceAgreement.com: Premium, online do-it-yourself divorce site saves money , time and sanity.
...and 796,997 other sites to help you divorce your spouse, the one you vowed to love and care for forever. Quick, easy and clean. With the snap of a finger.

Is it really that easy?? Well no wonder the divorce rates are so high! One source reports 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. Other sources say the average divorce rate is at 43%, with first marriages at 41%, second marriages at 60%, and third marriages at 73%. WOW. No matter which statistic you look at, they are all HIGH. Very high. Too high.

This is not what the Lord intended. He did not intend for two individuals to commit their lives to each other, and then a few years down the road, get online and do a "do it yourself divorce." Jesus said in Mark 10, "FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

One flesh. Let no man separate.

Marriage is a life-long commitment. It is not something to be taken lightly, or left quickly. When I was writing my vows to my husband, I took A LOT of time to think about them, to put my heart and soul into them. And I meant every word I said to him in our wedding day. I am commited to him. We are now husband and wife; one flesh. We will undoubtedly have hard times, trying times. But we will work through them. No matter what it takes. I think often times people just give up to easy. Or they aren't willing to put forth the effort to save their marriage (and often times it may take A LOT of effort). I know this can be a very touchy subject...often there are many different factors involved when it comes to a couple opting for divorce. It's just heartbreaking to me how often it happens...and apparently how easily it happens.

Well, back to searching for "do it yourself christmas gifts..."

An update

A quick update on my early-life crisis...

I have not forgotten the feeling in my heart that one Tuesday afternoon. I still have that heartache...that passion to do something significant. As of right now I am still praying for direction. I am taking small steps to see where I might fit in best... where I might be able to make a difference. Before I settle into something permanent, I am planning on trying a few different things. Nathan and I are planning on serving at Christ's Body on Thanksgiving day. That is one small step. Maybe there will be a place for me there. I would also like to look more into the many different programs at the Denver Rescue Mission, or maybe Joshua Station. There are SO many places I could go, and part of me says "do all of them!" But would my heart be in all of them? I want to be able to put my heart and soul into something. So much so that others see that passion and see it coming for our Lord. I yearn to touch people's hearts in a deep way, and to do that I need to be devoted. I know I have that devotion in me, but I'm still praying that the Lord will line me up with the right place/person/family that needs love and care the most. Thanks for your prayers with me in this.

a cruel injustice

My dad once suggested that I write out some of my experiences as a nurse. I am a pediatric nurse at The Children's Hospital in Denver, Colorado; I work on an inpatient unit with a large variety of patients. We get all the post-surgical patients (anywhere from tonsillectomies to GI surgeries to major spine fusions), rehab patients (can stay on the floor for months at a time), neurology patients (seizure monitoring to brain injuries), and many trauma patients. It’s in these last two categories that usually bring out the most hurt in my heart. It is here that we see the abuse cases, the neglect cases, and the shaken baby syndromes.

I’ve wanted to jot down some of my experiences with certain patients before because I thought it’d be a good way to unwind, or it’d interesting to look back on later. But my intention in writing about them here and now is not for me, but for you. Awareness. I want to help inform people on some of the terrifying things that are taking place out there. I’m not entirely sure I can tell people what to do about it, since I don’t always know what to do with it either. However, I believe the more awareness there is, the more chances there are of things changing.

Some of what you read will not be easy to swallow, I know that first hand. But maybe if more people know about this sort of injustice, we can do something about it. I’ve always felt too small to act, but maybe we just need a team of people who hate hearing these stories as much as I do, then maybe we can make a difference. So here we go…

Sassy. Sassy is the nickname of a 3 year old little girl who touched my heart in a deep way my first few months as a nurse. She was, in fact, very sassy, full of spunk and full of life. Her story is one of cruelty and injustice. Sassy was one of five children, plopped right in the middle of the bunch. The mother of the five locked them all in the master bathroom, but not before dousing them and the room with gasoline, and lighting the place on fire. She had also slit Sassy’s brother’s neck. She left the house, and about 10 minutes later called the police. When the fire department arrived, they found the youngest of the bunch, only 16 months old, dead. Sassy and her oldest brother were burned so bad, it’s amazing they lived. They were sent to a hospital in Texas that specializes in burns, while her other two siblings came to The Children's Hospital. Sassy got well enough to come back to Children's, but was scarred by her experience at the other hospital; it took her a very long time to let any nurses near her. To be treated for even a small burn can be a long and excruciating process. She had burns covering 70% of her body, and what wasn’t burned was being used as a graft site to get healthy skin to help cover the burn areas. She will have to forever deal with contractures, tight skin, mobility problems, mouth exercises just to eat, and major physical scars. Not to mention the emotional damage this incident has caused. Sassy and the younger two were from the same father, who was the most recent husband of their mother. That father had committed suicide not too long before this incident. The mother’s motive behind all this was that she thought it would be better for the children to be with their father than here on earth. Insanity? Pure cruelty? Either way, this should not have happened. Her story goes on and on, and I could write about if for days. But I must move on...

Shaken baby syndrome. I have seen way too many patients who have had to suffer the consequences of an adult shaking them. I’ve seen so many cases that I can’t even count them, and all of them absolutely break my heart. I’m not going to give a specific patient’s story here, for most of them go like this: the baby is crying, the caretaker cannot find a way to console the baby, and in a moment of desperation he or she shakes the baby in frustration. Just one moment of desperation. This should not happen. Some may or may not agree with me on this, but I think that many (but not all) parents who shake their babies really do love their baby. I think they love the child, and want the child to be well. But in that instant, nothing seems to be working, and they have a momentary lapse of judgment. That moment, that lapse, can instigate a lifetime of problems for the child and family.

This is why I think we need to spread more awareness about this; not many people realize the intense damage that one little shake can do in a fragile baby. I’ve seen shaken babies leave here blind, with a loss in developmental skills, or being unable to feed properly. Most of them have intense swelling in their brain. This creates a life-time of medical needs, because they will always need a way to relieve the pressure on their brain. They will start here with an external drain, but to leave here they will need their drain internalized, which means they put a shunt from their brain that empties into their stomach. This shunt can be good for a while, but we often see kids with shunts come back again and again because their shunt either malfunctioned or got infected. Like I said, a lifetime of problems.

There are also babies and infants who come in with brain injuries and broken bones from being thrown across a room, banged against a bedpost, and worse. Yes, worse. It’s out there. It makes me sick to my stomach. A momentary lapse of judgment? Here, I think not. I am usually a calm, compassionate person. But when I hear these stories, I can only be thankful that the offender (mom or dad or caretaker of some sort) is not allowed in the hospital, for my blood starts to boil and I can’t even imagine what I would say or do to that person.

I’ve seen abuse on a little three week old baby. I’ve seen it on a three year old. I’ve seen cases of neglect. I once sat with a couple for long time as they cried and vented about their grief and frustration. Their grand-daughter left her 7 month old son alone with her current boyfriend who allegedly grabbed the boy by the legs, banged him against the crib repeatedly, and then left him in the crib to suffer. And then he lied about the whole thing! This sort of thing should not happen. The couple was terribly frustrated and down-right angry with their grand-daughter for letting this happen. They, as the great-grandparents, now have legal custody of the boy, and are able to give him the love and care that he deserves.

Abuse is a horrible horrible thing. It should not happen. There are many stories of patients I have purposely tried to forget. I pray that in my following years as a nurse I will see less and less abuse cases; it’s sickening, draining, and heart-breaking. I pray that awareness will increase, and abuse will decrease.

I hope as you read this it disgusted you. I hope it broke your heart. I hope it nudged something inside of you. I hope it makes you want to do something. If anything, we can love these little children. Although it’s hard for me to swallow all that they’ve been through, I know that they’ve been placed in my path for at least one day or night, and for that short period of time I can show them love.

Matthew 25: 44-45
“They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

Please help show them love. Please help raise awareness. And please please, NEVER shake a baby.

Early Life Crisis

The day started off pretty ordinary. Bowl of cereal, cup of coffee, and a little bit of sitting around. While sitting comfortably in my new home on my new bed in my new sheets, I started browsing the internet. Through a friends blog I ended up on a video of a family of three, who later became a family of two. A heart-wrenching story. So much hurt in the world. Tears.

I ended up watching some other videos as well; "Gotcha Days" when a family gets to bring home their new adopted son or daughter. There are so many children out there in need of a shelter...in need of a family...in need of some love...in need of a Savior. So much need in the world. Tears.

Thus began my day...tears and small yearning inside my heart. What was this yearning? And where will it lead?

As I finished my coffee, my mind started rolling more. I've gone to college. I've succeeded in getting a degree. I've managed to get my dream job at The Children's Hospital as a nurse. I've met and married the man of my dreams (except he's more than I ever dreamed up, even my dreams couldn't produce a man like Nathan...). We've bought and are now living in a new cute little home. Now what? Don't get me wrong... I have enjoyed and loved the entire journey that got me to where I am today. And like I said, I am happily married (super happily), have a great job, and a solid roof over my head. But when I realized my position in life, something inside nudged me and said, "Well now what are you going to do?" I'm not studying for school anymore. I'm not searching for jobs. I'm not painfully searching for a home. And I'm not planning a wedding. So what the heck am I doing?? My yearning was growing.

The only thing I can relate it to is a Mid-Life Crisis. I’ve never experienced a Mid-Life Crisis, so I’m not sure of an accurate description. I’m assuming it might be where one feels a certain stage of life is ending, or that he or she might be coming to a stand still. Except I'm not technically in my mid-life. Thus, I am having an Early-Life Crisis.

I was contemplating this as I went to meet my husband at Denver Seminary to hear Tony Campolo speak at chapel. With some short but strong statements, Campolo magnified this Early-Life Crisis of mine. He spoke of the authority of Jesus. Not power, but authority. Jesus gained his authority by sacrificially loving. He loved and he sacrificed. He did not pursue power, he pursued people, and a relationship with them. Are we not called to be more like Jesus? Why do so many of us strive for power when we should be striving to sacrifice whatever it takes to spread the love of Jesus Christ? And through this kind of sacrifice we will gain authority; people would trust us and put confidence in us as they did Mother Theresa. She had authority. As Campolo said, we as Christians shouldn’t be looking for ways to become #1, but for ways to become the least.

Campolo also pointed out that many of us only love Jesus “up to a point.” Am I only willing to go so far to love or to sacrifice? Are there certain things I won’t do, or certain people I won’t help? Do I have a tipping point? I don’t want to give or love conditionally or up to a point. I want to love and give as Jesus did; unconditionally. No borders. Campolo pointed out that the church should be the only club that exists for the welfare of its non-members. How incredibly true, and yet how incredibly sad, that this is not what we see today in the church. My yearning was no longer just a small one.

What can I do for the least of these? There is so much need out there. So much hunger for love. Where do I start?

I don't want to just give money. Don't get me wrong...giving money to those who need it, or companies who can help the least of these is a great great thing. I, for one, cannot go to Africa every month to give a little girl named Tumaini (which means "Hope") some food, supplies and medical care. WorldVision, on the other hand, can and does. I'm able to give money to this organization in order to help Tumaini. I get to write her letters, give her Christmas gifts, and help make sure she sees the love of the Lord.

But I don't want it to stop at giving money; I don't want to just write a check every month to a few organizations here and there. Yes, it makes a difference. Yes, these organizations need money to help others. But I can help others too you know. I want to do more. I want to make a difference so badly! Not for the sake of my name being glorified; so God’s name can be glorified. And so that I can touch at least a little bit of that hurt in the world, and attempt to take some of it away. I was to sacrificially love in such a way that our Lord, Jesus Christ, is seen through it.

My heart is broken for those who are hurting. Broken into many little pieces. But I don’t know what to do. I now have this huge yearning in me. There’s so much that can be done… I just don’t know where to start. Which hurt do I attend to? Which need do I try to satisfy? Who, of the least of these, should I start with, Lord?

Please pray for me; for a vision of where to start.