a cruel injustice

My dad once suggested that I write out some of my experiences as a nurse. I am a pediatric nurse at The Children's Hospital in Denver, Colorado; I work on an inpatient unit with a large variety of patients. We get all the post-surgical patients (anywhere from tonsillectomies to GI surgeries to major spine fusions), rehab patients (can stay on the floor for months at a time), neurology patients (seizure monitoring to brain injuries), and many trauma patients. It’s in these last two categories that usually bring out the most hurt in my heart. It is here that we see the abuse cases, the neglect cases, and the shaken baby syndromes.

I’ve wanted to jot down some of my experiences with certain patients before because I thought it’d be a good way to unwind, or it’d interesting to look back on later. But my intention in writing about them here and now is not for me, but for you. Awareness. I want to help inform people on some of the terrifying things that are taking place out there. I’m not entirely sure I can tell people what to do about it, since I don’t always know what to do with it either. However, I believe the more awareness there is, the more chances there are of things changing.

Some of what you read will not be easy to swallow, I know that first hand. But maybe if more people know about this sort of injustice, we can do something about it. I’ve always felt too small to act, but maybe we just need a team of people who hate hearing these stories as much as I do, then maybe we can make a difference. So here we go…

Sassy. Sassy is the nickname of a 3 year old little girl who touched my heart in a deep way my first few months as a nurse. She was, in fact, very sassy, full of spunk and full of life. Her story is one of cruelty and injustice. Sassy was one of five children, plopped right in the middle of the bunch. The mother of the five locked them all in the master bathroom, but not before dousing them and the room with gasoline, and lighting the place on fire. She had also slit Sassy’s brother’s neck. She left the house, and about 10 minutes later called the police. When the fire department arrived, they found the youngest of the bunch, only 16 months old, dead. Sassy and her oldest brother were burned so bad, it’s amazing they lived. They were sent to a hospital in Texas that specializes in burns, while her other two siblings came to The Children's Hospital. Sassy got well enough to come back to Children's, but was scarred by her experience at the other hospital; it took her a very long time to let any nurses near her. To be treated for even a small burn can be a long and excruciating process. She had burns covering 70% of her body, and what wasn’t burned was being used as a graft site to get healthy skin to help cover the burn areas. She will have to forever deal with contractures, tight skin, mobility problems, mouth exercises just to eat, and major physical scars. Not to mention the emotional damage this incident has caused. Sassy and the younger two were from the same father, who was the most recent husband of their mother. That father had committed suicide not too long before this incident. The mother’s motive behind all this was that she thought it would be better for the children to be with their father than here on earth. Insanity? Pure cruelty? Either way, this should not have happened. Her story goes on and on, and I could write about if for days. But I must move on...

Shaken baby syndrome. I have seen way too many patients who have had to suffer the consequences of an adult shaking them. I’ve seen so many cases that I can’t even count them, and all of them absolutely break my heart. I’m not going to give a specific patient’s story here, for most of them go like this: the baby is crying, the caretaker cannot find a way to console the baby, and in a moment of desperation he or she shakes the baby in frustration. Just one moment of desperation. This should not happen. Some may or may not agree with me on this, but I think that many (but not all) parents who shake their babies really do love their baby. I think they love the child, and want the child to be well. But in that instant, nothing seems to be working, and they have a momentary lapse of judgment. That moment, that lapse, can instigate a lifetime of problems for the child and family.

This is why I think we need to spread more awareness about this; not many people realize the intense damage that one little shake can do in a fragile baby. I’ve seen shaken babies leave here blind, with a loss in developmental skills, or being unable to feed properly. Most of them have intense swelling in their brain. This creates a life-time of medical needs, because they will always need a way to relieve the pressure on their brain. They will start here with an external drain, but to leave here they will need their drain internalized, which means they put a shunt from their brain that empties into their stomach. This shunt can be good for a while, but we often see kids with shunts come back again and again because their shunt either malfunctioned or got infected. Like I said, a lifetime of problems.

There are also babies and infants who come in with brain injuries and broken bones from being thrown across a room, banged against a bedpost, and worse. Yes, worse. It’s out there. It makes me sick to my stomach. A momentary lapse of judgment? Here, I think not. I am usually a calm, compassionate person. But when I hear these stories, I can only be thankful that the offender (mom or dad or caretaker of some sort) is not allowed in the hospital, for my blood starts to boil and I can’t even imagine what I would say or do to that person.

I’ve seen abuse on a little three week old baby. I’ve seen it on a three year old. I’ve seen cases of neglect. I once sat with a couple for long time as they cried and vented about their grief and frustration. Their grand-daughter left her 7 month old son alone with her current boyfriend who allegedly grabbed the boy by the legs, banged him against the crib repeatedly, and then left him in the crib to suffer. And then he lied about the whole thing! This sort of thing should not happen. The couple was terribly frustrated and down-right angry with their grand-daughter for letting this happen. They, as the great-grandparents, now have legal custody of the boy, and are able to give him the love and care that he deserves.

Abuse is a horrible horrible thing. It should not happen. There are many stories of patients I have purposely tried to forget. I pray that in my following years as a nurse I will see less and less abuse cases; it’s sickening, draining, and heart-breaking. I pray that awareness will increase, and abuse will decrease.

I hope as you read this it disgusted you. I hope it broke your heart. I hope it nudged something inside of you. I hope it makes you want to do something. If anything, we can love these little children. Although it’s hard for me to swallow all that they’ve been through, I know that they’ve been placed in my path for at least one day or night, and for that short period of time I can show them love.

Matthew 25: 44-45
“They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

Please help show them love. Please help raise awareness. And please please, NEVER shake a baby.