Kids are funny.

Kids are funny. I've always known this, but working at the Children's Hospital has only magnified this. My floor was overstaffed tonight, so I got floated down to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit); I haven't run into many funny things here... the babies are too little to do ANYTHING. But up on my floor, we get the funny ones! They say funny things, they do funny things, they are just flat out funny. And the great thing is, 96% of the time it is unintentional!

Here are a few funny instances that have happened here at the hospital:

-I once had a 7 year old ask me for my phone number. I politely had to tell him I was already taken. Sorry dude.

-Girls and gas: We get a lot of post-surgical patients. After being under anesthesia (and if they mess with your bowels while they're in there), the digestive tract can have a hard time getting back up to the pace it was at. One good sign of motility and healing is gas. Farts. Toots. Whatever you want to call them. We encourage them and applaud when it happens, especailly the first time. The funnies group to go through this through are the 4-10 year old girls. They get this shy grin, and sometimes cover up their mouth with their hands as they giggle after they "pass gas." If they say "oops," we say, "No oops! Do it again!" They get a kick out of it, and so do I.

These next stories are situations that brought a kid to the hospital. The situation is somewhat funny, but that they ended up in the hospital (some for a lengthy period of time) is not. It is not funny that their health was put at risk, but if you just hear what happened, it can be humurous.

-Quarters and pennies. Yes, we have seen quite a few cases of "My-kid-swallowed-some-change-syndrome." One kid had his lucky quarter in him for quite some time! He just didn't want to give it up!

-A Pencil. This one came from a teenager (teens make me laugh all the time too). The story goes, the young man was feeling a bit constipated. Instead of trying some medicine or going to the doctor, he decided to try and remedy the situation on his own. He took a pencil, and yes, he put it up his butt. ...And he may have gone just a bit too far (well, he clearly shouldn't have tried this method in the first place), because the pencil got stuck. That's right folks... it got stuck, and he needed surgical intervention. I will stop there.

-A Fork. This one had to be terrifying to the mother, but my jaw just dropped when I heard the story. A 4-year old kid, with a fork in his eye. Don't worry, they were able to save his vision. I just can't imagine working in the Emergency Department and seeing a litle kid walk in with a fork in his eye. Ouch.

-Bounce House. This story probably falls more into the "bizarre" category than the "funny." Again, the results were not funny at all, but the story is just crazy. It happened in the foothills at a birthday party hosting a bunch of 10 year old boys. The bounce house was not properly anchored, so when a strong wind hit it, it lifted off the ground and started to roll down the hill. It was stopped by abruptly by a telephone poll. There were five kids in it. One of them ended up on my floor for a while for some rehab. How bizarre is that?

Mostly though, kids just say the most amusing and priceless things. I can't even begin to list the hilarious one-liners kids have given me throughout the year. I wish I had been writing them down, they would definitely lighten your day. Some of them aren't meant to be funny at all. In fact some of them are meant to be harsh and offensive, but as you walk out the of the room and close the door, all you can do is smirk and try to suppress a laugh!

I love my job, and I love kids. I think they're hilarious. I can't wait to have some with my hubbie! But please, dear Lord, keep them healthy.